<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>As You Shiver (Count Up All Your Mistakes) by fiveyaaas</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26231191">As You Shiver (Count Up All Your Mistakes)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas'>fiveyaaas</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Canon-Typical Violence, Daddy Kink, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Face-Sitting, Mentions of both Reginald abusing them, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Title/lyrics from “young blood”, Vaginal Fingering, Wall Sex, Will give full warning in beginning notes, a song by the naked and famous, and Leonard abusing Vanya, because I wasn’t sure what all to tag, because her fics have ended me so many times, canon-typical abuse, i think that should be a tag since this is now, kink bartering fuckery, plus...... we had a bargain, the what? third fic I’ve written for a bargain?, this is for LIV and I hope she likes it, this is spread out a little weird</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:15:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,039</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26231191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Five (and then, in some ways, Ben) had taught her well. Who she allows herself to ever care about will leave her. If she forces it away, then at least she has control.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>126</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>As You Shiver (Count Up All Your Mistakes)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/light_loves_the_dark/gifts">light_loves_the_dark</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is for Liv!!! She wrote me a wonderful piece in exchange, “yayo” which I recommend all of you to read!!! She has been so great to message, and I’m so glad that we have gotten to one another in the past week (?) or so!!! Also, if y’all have NOT read “(tell me I’m your) national anthem” yet, what are you doing with your lives?? </p>
<p>So I wanted to post some trigger warnings here because I wasn’t sure what all to put as far as the warnings went. There is going to be mentions of both Reginald’s abuse and there will be an attempted rape scene by Leonard, though the Leonard scene goes into very little detail. Leonard also will get murdered, and I’d say a general trigger warning as far as gore goes. Also a general trigger warning for suicidal thoughts. If any of these bother you, please do not read!!! I do not want to upset anybody!!! </p>
<p>This fic is much longer and sadder than I had originally intended, but hopefully the eventual smut makes up for it??? Now for one last thank you to Liv (and also everyone who listened to me talk about this on discord too!!!)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>“We're only young and naïve still</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We require certain skills</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The mood it changes like the wind</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hard to control when it begins”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Five was thirteen years old when he decided to up and leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was fourteen years old when he lost all hope that he would see another human being (at least one that he could feel the heartbeat of) again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was pretty certain he was in his fifties when he saw another life, but after the first few decades, he lost hope in going home and therefore lost hope in keeping track of his definite age. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(That’s not entirely true. He didn’t lose hope in going home ever. If he had, he would’ve used the gun he kept by his side to kill himself. So many times had Grace said to them </span>
  <em>
    <span>“if everybody jumped off a cliff, would you jump too.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She said it because of the group hive mentality getting out of hand with seven kids of the same age living in relatively close quarters, but when Five thought of it now, he wanted to say that yes, yes he would jump off a cliff if everybody he loved was already dead and there was no way to bring them back. He stayed away from high places, lest that temptation become too strong.) </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He met the Handler when scraping by was becoming harder and harder to do. Vanya’s book clutched against his chest and Delores’s worried comments in his ears were the only thing that kept him eating the cockroaches and not just starving himself. He knew that his liver was probably failing. He wasn’t sure if it was paranoia that noticed the jaundice of his skin or if he would die soon from that. He drank himself to sleep most nights, but there was something about an apocalypse and everything he loved from childhood being dead that didn’t inspire much desire for turning a new leaf. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was fading. He was not sure if the Handler was real or hallucination when he saw her. Delores wasn’t moving her lips when she spoke to him that day though. He knew, deep down, that that meant his hallucinations weren’t at their worst. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He grabbed the gun, training it on the woman.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then he’s offered a deal, a job that would take him back to his family. He doesn’t argue at all. He’ll die soon here anyways, and his family needed him. He takes the offer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then he became a killer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Technically, he had killed when he was Number Five, the superhero, the teleporter from the Umbrella Academy. He hadn’t been a seasoned killer when he was young, but there was blood on his hands long before he became an assassin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He made these kills clinical, compartmentalized the feel of the sniper off his mind and thought of only his family when he went to sleep at the hotels the Commission provided. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abandoning Delores made the only comfort in his time at the Commission to be Vanya’s book. He would read the book each night after he had cleaned the blood off his body, not wanting to mar his sweet Vanya’s words with blood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(That’s not entirely true, either. His own blood marred the pages from the day he had grown so desperate to get home to her that he had dug a knife into his skin, drawing blood to use as ink because he couldn’t waste the stroke of inspiration on finding a pen to jot the equations down. The bloody fingerprints from the day served as a reminder. He had to be more careful; Vanya would want that. She wouldn’t want his blood on her words either.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her book became his sole companion, in the Commission. He’d run his finger over her face on the cover, relay how he felt after a mission like he would when they were young. Sometimes, when a kill had kept him up for a few days and he could feel those voices rearing up again, she would sneer at him and tell him that if he had listened to her in the first place, he wouldn’t have had to kill anything. Five would weakly set her book to the side, settling his forehead into his hands as he apologized to her. She would stop speaking, then, and he would force himself not to sleep another night so that he could hear her voice. Even when she spoke with a snarl, she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>speaking</span>
  </em>
  <span> to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He would go home to her. He promised himself this. He’d go home to her, and he’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>save </span>
  </em>
  <span>her, and it will all be worth it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had to be. Or he would never heal from this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“The bittersweet between my teeth</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Trying to find the in-betweens”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A ride on a cab to her childhood home. A hesitant shuffle as she walked to the gate. A bleak acceptance that it would never get better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then he stood in front of her, having just fallen from the sky, not the boy that left but the man her age now, and everything changed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(That’s not entirely true. Nothing could really change. He implored her of the apocalypse, told her they needed to solve it, and she asked him to leave. He was talented at leaving. If everyone you loved left you alone to jump off their own cliffs, you’d lost everything anyways. It didn’t matter anymore if you lost it again, really. Five (and then, in some ways, Ben) had taught her well. Who she allows herself to ever care about will leave her. If she forces it away, then at least she has control.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She meets Leonard shortly after Five is gone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya does not care about Leonard. Therefore, he will not leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What she wants more than anything else in the world is to have something that can’t be taken away from her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So she accepts Leonard into her life. He was ordinary, anyways. She wasn’t meant for someone extraordinary, anyways. She should be content with mediocrity. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Leonard believes she’s something more though. He treats her better than anyone ever has in her life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(That’s not entirely true, either. But the point remains that Leonard hasn’t left her behind.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Leonard became a presence by her side, then. She’d teach him music, and they’d talk about how they grew up. When he encouraged her to try out for the first chair, she listened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she went to him after her performance, meeting at her apartment rather than his place as she asked, she grew suddenly and inexplicably afraid. There was a presence there, one she couldn’t decipher. Maybe it was the dark edge to Leonard’s voice as he tried to interrogate her of his performance. Maybe it was the feeling of foreboding inside of her, like there was some shadow in the distance watching in. All she knew was that she asked Leonard to stop, to get off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then she was screaming.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She remembered that she hadn’t taken her meds, wondering if that was why she was suddenly so fearful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then he snapped at her, snarled at her, said that she needed to listen to him because she would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> without him. She saw Reginald giving orders in her mind, she started crying, she started flinching away but then he changed his tone to something sweet, something exasperated but fond, and she could imagine herself falling into the trap again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya didn’t care about Leonard. Therefore, he wouldn’t leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was as she had this thought that his body was slammed against the wall.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Can't help myself but count the flaws</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Claw my way out through these walls</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>One temporary escape</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Feel it start to permeate”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Five lost his only lead into the apocalypse, he recounted the conversation with Vanya, spinning the eye between his fingers. Maybe Vanya was mad at him. Well, okay, Vanya was certainly </span>
  <em>
    <span>mad </span>
  </em>
  <span>at him. But Vanya always listened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hadn’t even made an attempt to </span>
  <em>
    <span>find</span>
  </em>
  <span> Five. That wasn’t her. Vanya always went to him. When he snapped at one of the others and fucked off somewhere, she would always find him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even if Vanya was </span>
  <em>
    <span>furious</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she wouldn’t just stop giving a shit about Five. That’s how their friendship worked. Even when they were irritated (and he could easily be irritated, but Vanya was prone to anger just as much as him, had just as dark of a heart as his own), they didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So he followed her around. The apocalypse could still be solved if he kept tabs on her. He could multitask. It would be fine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stalked other leads without shame as he stalked Vanya with buckets of shame. A man followed Vanya around frequently, and he scowled. She had never mentioned having a boyfriend. Then again, when would she have ever mentioned it? He studied the way the man looked at her, an unsettled feeling in his chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five chalked it up to be jealousy, something he was not ashamed to admit happened to him frequently. When he wondered in the apocalypse whether or not Vanya had gotten married after the publication of the book and he just wasn't aware of it, he had been able to admit to Delores that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>jealous. She was much more understanding though, saying that it was a perfectly normal emotion to have. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>added that he shouldn’t be thinking of Vanya because it distracted him from his equations to get back home, and he’d pursed his lips at her, wishing his companion could at least say it more sensitively. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Five watched her from the corners playing her piece so lovely, drawing out an equation against a graphing notebook as he listened (he imagined she would be mad if he tried writing on the walls lining the proscenium stage), a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Trying to juggle the equation for a backup plan in case he had to jump the eight days backward by the date of the apocalypse as well as try to find a viable reason to show up with flowers and apologize for being upset with her before, saying ‘I’d love to catch up soon’ and scheduling a point in time that would be just past the date of the apocalypse so he wouldn’t have to take up too mucb time there, Five decided eventually ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck it.’</span>
  </em>
  <span> He would go to her, and he would apologize and even admit to seeing her performance because he wanted to tell her that the mere memory of her brushing the bow against the strings after soft voice clarified, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re sure it won’t mess you up while you work on your equations,’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>haunted him for forty five years. He wanted to tell her that she had become extraordinary, in her writing and music and in the way her eyes still lit up when she smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five followed her to her apartment, stopping just at the florists to grab the tigerlilies that he remembered her eyeing the most of all the flowers during the times Grace made arrangements around the mansion. He had always been tempted to steal them from the vase and offer them up to her, but he had always secretly wanted the first time he brought her flowers to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>truly</span>
  </em>
  <span> from him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he reached her door, he realized she wasn’t alone. He also heard a note of fear in his voice, and he blinked in, eyeing from a spot that whoever was with her wouldn’t be able to see him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His body went stiff as he realized what was happening. Before he could get to Leonard though, to wring his neck until his life had drained from his body, Leonard was slammed against the wall of Vanya’s apartment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya screamed, scared of what had caused Leonard to be sprawled against the wall and cracked his skull. Five knew instantly, then, what was happening. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He remembered when his powers had manifested. He had felt nothing but joy, not using stairs for a week to prove a point that he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>teleport</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His powers wouldn’t cause him strife until he became too arrogant from them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya was sobbing as he blinked at her, pulling her to his arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” he murmured. “You were just protecting yourself. It’s okay, little Vanya. It’s okay; I’m here. I’m here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five heard the groan then, from the bastard that had not even the decency to die when Vanya had cracked his skill. He had already teleported over and snapped Leonard’s neck before Vanya was even able to turn her head fully to look. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She fell to her knees then. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I killed him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five noticed the cracks in the wall, the sudden pounding of rain, the flickering of the lights, and the glasses shattering. He teleported over, a dark understanding overcoming him in that instant. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He would explore that thought later. Until the apocalypse actually was set to happen, he couldn’t rule out other possible factors. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulled her into his lap, cooing out soft words and brushing the strands of sweat soaked hair between his fingers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I killed him,” she said again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, </span>
  <em>
    <span>we </span>
  </em>
  <span>killed him,” he murmured. “And he deserved to die for ever trying to hurt you.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“We lie beneath the stars at night</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Our hands gripping each other tight</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You keep my secrets hope to die</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Promises, swear them to the sky”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was 11 years old when she first thought she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Vanya wasn’t entirely certain much later if an eleven year old </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>know that they loved someone. She did always know that Five was different. He was her best friend, her sole confidante. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The incident that made her realize her feelings happened after she had sustained an injury. Allison, or she had been then called Three, had been instructed to use her rumor on Seven by Father, to test the limits of how far one’s natural instinct to protect themselves set in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After Seven’s hands had been sliced up by pieces of glass, blood coating the surface of the desk chair, Vanya had been instructed to sit in, Father relented, saying that Vanya was dismissed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five had been training with Mom that day, her capabilities for calculating exact measures of spatial distances coming in handy. Three had had personal training with Father that Seven had gotten to participate in, but the other four of them were in the training room with Pogo. As Father had told her that she was to get the glass pieces out of her skin, she ambled over to where Mom and Five were training outdoors. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mom went to help heal her immediately, but Five asked her, “Mom, may I practice my first aid like you taught last week?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Grace beamed indulgently, squeezing his cheek and not noticing the way he flinched. She led them both to the infirmary, only watching from the corner to ensure Five was doing his first aid right. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> did you do to yourself, Seven?” he hissed under his breath. The harshness was a little hard to manage in the voice of an eleven year old, but the anger leaked through pretty clearly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Father had Number Three rumor me,” Seven mumbled shyly, blushing pooling to her cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She did </span>
  <em>
    <span>what?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he snarled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Five, she couldn’t help Father forcing her to use her powers,” Seven implored, wincing as he took out another piece of glass with a tweezer. He panicked, but she just grit her teeth and spit out, “Don’t blame Three, please. She can’t help what Father does.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sighed, relenting for now. He took out the last piece of glass before grabbing a bottle of rubbing alcohol and some cotton balls and dabbing her bloodied hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once he had made sure it wasn’t bleeding any longer, he started wrapping her hands in bandages. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Promise me something,” Five said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Seven asked, worried at the franticness to his gaze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll always be here for me to take care of you when you’re hurt.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t-“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Promise</span>
  </em>
  <span> me, Seven.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed, promising him. If Five was being irrational, he was already going down the path of completely feral. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We heal each other though,” she said, looping the pinky that hadn’t been hurt through his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> heal each other,” he promised. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At eleven years old, the promise was not empty. It was just naive. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“As it withers, brittle it shakes</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Can you whisper, as it crumbles and breaks?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>As you shiver, count up all your mistakes</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Pair of forgivers, let go before it's too late”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Time went by. The apocalypse had not ever happened. Five suspected why, but he didn’t voice his thoughts. He would rather them think him insane, obsessed with the idea he’d been given from birth that doomsday would happen, than for Vanya to know. She’d have full control of her powers someday, and he could tell her then. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew lying to her about what he suspected to be the cause of the apocalypse was wrong, but he had abandoned his morals already. At least this protected her, and at least he would tell her eventually. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He slept in her bed now. At first, she had tried to stay at her apartment alone, but he could sense her unease each morning when he knocked on the door. Eventually, he offered to stay over, and she accepted the offer shyly (but he saw the gratefulness in her eyes and the easing of her shoulders as she did.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Vanya had started to grab blankets to settle on the couch, he simply raised a brow and told her he’d sleep in her bed. She hadn’t even batted a lash, just dropping the blanket back down and walking to her bedroom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They had slept in the same bed for three weeks before they even acknowledged anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Five,” she had whispered, curling into his side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded for her to continue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we… wait… for-“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” he interrupted, pulling her tightly to him. “I waited around forty five years, V. We can go as slow as you want.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiled, grateful, and he breathed in the familiar scent of her conditioner. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had been months before she kissed him. He was sipping coffee, writing on the chalkboard she had forced him to get when he had written on her walls just once. She walked over to him, plucked the coffee from his hands and he scowled leaning down to properly grumble at her when she pressed her lips to his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she pulled away, him gaping at her, she shrugged and handed him his coffee back, sauntering off to the kitchen to grab breakfast.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He set his coffee down and blinked over to the kitchen, grabbing her elbow as he turned her around to face him. Once she was staring up at him, he set his hands on her cheeks, leaning down to kiss her properly. He pulled away, satisfied, and went back to his equations. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was only smug for a little bit though. He realized he had no idea if he was supposed to keep kissing her, do more even. Five was open for it, but she had asked for them to wait. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was chewing on his lip, mulling over what to say, when she asked, gesturing to his chalkboard, “Are you struggling with this?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He frowned, turning around to her. She offered a small smile. “I’m just theorizing for…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t say it. He was planning equations on the off chance he’d have to take her back in time. She could cause the apocalypse any minute. If she got mad at something as simple as them arguing, would she be able to cause the apocalypse then? What about other emotions? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you feeling okay?” He asked abruptly, studying her response. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great. That’s…great.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hated lying to her. It felt especially wrong when she had just kissed him. “I’m just thinking about something,” he said vaguely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya smirked, and he realized that her mind went somewhere else with that (his mind was constantly thinking about Vanya like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> in some way these days, but it had been pushed away with concern.) </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya stalked forward, and he backed against the chalkboard. She had always been tiny growing up, but now that he was in this body, she looked even smaller. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wrapped her arms around his neck, stretching so that she was on her tip-toes. Her breath fanned across his face, smelling distinctly of the coffee she added too much sugar to, as she asked, “What were you thinking about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You,” he replied, not really caring to elaborate that he was thinking of her causing the death of seven billion people because it would most certainly spoil the mood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya beamed at him, already moving in to kiss him eagerly. He lifted her up, hoping it would make it easier for them both as far as him crouching and her having to stand on her toes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She made a small noise, reminding him of the mousy Vanya he had known, wrapping her legs around his waist. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do y-... How far do you want this to go?” He asked, pulling away from her but keeping her safely in his arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Can we wait to go… any further?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded, walking backwards until he could settle against the couch with her on his lap. “We can wait as long as you need, dear,” he reminded her gently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It won’t be forever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not mad?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He frowned, refusing to respond to something so ridiculous. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened with Leonard-“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His gut tightened. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>that this was something that would eventually come up, he just really did not want to talk about it. “You don’t have to expl-“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t love him,” she blurted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He frowned at her. He hadn’t thought she had. Frankly, he didn’t understand why she even worried he </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> think that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I did let myself… I just think that jumping into something so soon was a response to… you coming back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, that comment certainly made him want to kill Leonard again. He let her keep speaking, jaw clenched. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” Vanya said, like this wasn’t relevant to what she was explaining or worth making a big deal of. “And I have for a long time, though I wouldn’t have known it when we were young and then you left… I just, I don’t want you to think that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re </span>
  </em>
  <span>the problem here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Vanya, you’re not the problem either,” he assured her. Well, in this regard. She was still definitely a problem if her powers got out of hand and she caused the world to end. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It really doesn’t matter if we wait?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not mad?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why would I be mad about that, Vanya?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You seem distressed.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s what I’m working on with my equations,” he told her, keeping it vague but not lying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you working on?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t understand it,” he said, gently as he could. She really would </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> understand, though the reasoning had little to do with math and much to do with the extent of her powers. She knew she was strong, but she did not know </span>
  <em>
    <span>how </span>
  </em>
  <span>strong. He selfishly hoped that she did not ever learn the extent of her powers, but he would tell her eventually regardless. Just once he was certain that it wouldn’t hurt her or anyone else. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there any way I can help you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t cause an apocalypse.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think so, no, but thank you,” he kissed her again, ignoring the unsettled feeling in his chest as he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another month passed. Vanya and Five did nothing more than kissing in the time. He kept opening his mouth to explain to her what he was worried about when she asked, but he never could spit the words out. He kept envisioning the betrayed face she would give him. His mouth would fill with his ash and the screams of her name, said in his voice at thirteen year old, as he tried desperately to find their family. He’d clear his throat, remind himself where he was, and say he was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>busy</span>
  </em>
  <span> on something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew that it was distressing her, that she knew that he was hiding something from her. He understood why it would be deeply unsettling for her, too. They had always told each other everything, always knew that they did not lie to each other. If anything was consistent with them, they did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>lie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was lying to protect her, though. It wasn’t even a sin deeper than any other he had committed to protect her. How many people had he killed in the Commission for her? He figured murder had to hold more weight than deception, at the very least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course, no matter how much he told himself that fact, the guilt stayed churning in his stomach, mouth filling with the ash. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she did find out, then, he was surprised he didn’t fall to his knees and beg her for forgiveness. To be fair, this had been both of their faults, and he told himself this as he stared down at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had slipped out of his mouth after an argument. Well, really, it had slipped out after months of holding vital information from Vanya. She had been mad, saying that she wanted to continue her training after she had just gotten hurt from it, and he had snapped at her, lashing out at her out of his own guilt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hadn’t yelled, hadn’t cried. She had just blinked up at him. When he reached over to touch her hand, she stiffly jerked away. When she ran to her room, shutting the door and locking it, he didn’t follow her. He knew that she needed a moment to breathe, and he would give her as many moments as she needed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he started cooking dinner, more out of trying to find something to do that didn’t involve gulping down hard liquor until he puked, she came out of their room, movements stiff as she walked towards him. He dropped the wooden spoon he was stirring a sauce with, turning around to face her cautiously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How long did you know?” Her voice was rough, cluing him into the fact that she had been crying in there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When you were with Leon… When your powers manifested. I suspected. I was certain when weeks after the apocalypse was set to happen, and it just… didn’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you would have kept this from me forever? If you hadn’t just blurted it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If he were being completely honest to both himself and her, he had absolutely no idea if he would have. He had ample opportunity to tell her for a while, and he didn’t. “I did <em>want</em> you to know,” he said finally. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was true. He had wanted her to have known. He just never would have wanted to have been the one to tell her. He had told himself over that he would one day, and he supposed he had, technically. Albeit, in the worst way possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You lived in an apocalypse,” Vanya whispered. “That I caused. Why did you bother even saving my life?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He snapped his gaze to her. “What are you even saying?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could have killed me,” she said. She used a reasonable tone, and he would have wanted to throttle her if it wouldn’t have proven her point about him being capable of killing her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, speaking levelly and cooly, he countered, “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> have.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He flicked an eyebrow skyward, unable to keep the disbelief out of his voice as he told her, “Because I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To be fair, he had never said that aloud before. Well, he supposed he probably had said it when he was young a few times, but they were easily dismissable considering the fact that Grace had probably forced him to say it. When Vanya’s name had been just a number as well, Grace always made him apologize anytime he upset her. Grace had always encouraged their friendship, though. She had likely sensed they both were happier through it, her programming encouraging anything that would keep the children content. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you love me,” she said, like she was challenging it, which made him distastefully scowl at her “then why would you not tell me that I caused an apocalypse?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, perhaps because </span>
  <em>
    <span>Relationships for Dummies</span>
  </em>
  <span> doesn’t have a section on how to handle one’s spouse inadvertently killing seven and a half billion people in an alternate hellscape timeline that one was forced to live in until their liver was starting to shrivel up. He would know; he had checked already.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>tell </span>
  </em>
  <span>you, Vanya,” he snapped, voice petulant. “Because you tend to blow shit up when you’re upset.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That probably could have been phrased better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And is this what you’ve been hiding from me?” She responded blithely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, fuck. Yes, yes, it was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His face must have been confirmation enough because her eyes were twitching. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesus, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Five, you have to tell me that kind of thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was already preparing for where he would blink her to minimize the damage she could cause, so when she yelled at him to take off his clothes… Well, he was shocked to say the least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Why did his voice have to sound so </span>
  <em>
    <span>panicked</span>
  </em>
  <span>? That certainly wasn’t going to get him anywhere. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You heard me,” she said, unbuttoning her flannel. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five gaped at her, realized she was completely serious, and stripped down hurriedly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He might have no morals whatsoever, considering how he was thinking that he would have told her about the cause of the apocalypse eons ago if it had meant </span>
  <em>
    <span>this.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He blinked over to her, scooping her up as she tried to fumble with the zipper on her jeans. He batted her hand away, shifting his weight so that she was being held steady on his shoulder as he tugged off her jeans. He ran his finger against the seam of her panties, asking for clear confirmation as to what exactly she wanted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she said it, quite vulgarly like she was trying to get a rise out of him, he nearly passed out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bed?” He asked, breathlessly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded, and he blinked them to their bedroom, laying her out on the bed so she was spread out before him. He saw a damp patch against her gray underwear, and without thinking much of it, kissed the spot. She made a startled noise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to,” she said quickly, watching him hover over her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, he was never one to listen to anyone’s advice anyways. He traced his finger over the dampness, idly wondering if she was aware he was spelling out his own name against her cunt, petulantly commenting, “I’m perfectly aware I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to, I just know that when you’re crying out my name and begging to come, I will very much </span>
  <em>
    <span>enjoy</span>
  </em>
  <span> it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya whimpered, and he smiled softly, leaning into to kiss her before he went to work, worrying in the back of his mind if he had gone too far. When she forcibly pushed his head between her legs, the worry was stifled, and he kissed her through her underwear again before looping his finger around the waist band and tugging them down her legs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He ran his finger over her entrance, “Tell me how to make you feel good, Vanya.” He tilted his head, staring up at her. The question, more than anything, was to truly assess her comfort level. He didn’t want to scare her or make her upset in any way at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you keep t-touching me?” Her voice already held a tremble. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Okay, part of it was entirely because he wanted to see if he could make her beg. He didn’t claim to be entirely motivated through his own morals, anyways. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Touching you?” He asked, voice teasing, as he gently ran a finger over her hip, where he was well aware she was ticklish. She squirmed, and he huffed out a laugh. “I can do that, Vanya.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Touch me…” she choked out, trying to guide his hand to her, but he wouldn’t budge. He wanted to hear it. “Five, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you know where.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laughed again, “Tell me, Vanya. There’s no reason to be ashamed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate you,” she groaned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He scowled. “No, you don’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She glared at him, instead of trying to move his hand away, she slipped two of her own fingers inside of herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, you win,” he said, untangling her hand from herself because he would not be able to think coherently if she kept fingering herself while he watched. When he pulled her hand away, he sucked the wet fingers clean and placed her hand back against the bed, enjoying the way she was gaping at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you not a virgin?” She asked.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He frowned at that. Why was </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>what she was focusing on? “No,” he admitted, wondering if he was supposed to have waited for her (although, he’ll be honest and say that he’d think that to be completely hypocritical for her to think.) </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How many?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would rather list off the people I have killed,” he commented wryly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My body count there is undoubtedly higher,” she told him. “And you don’t have to tell me, I probably don’t want to know, but are you, you know… I mean, I’m cle… do we need a condom?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No STIs here, are you on the pill?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you’d want me to...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I want you to cum inside me, but I want you to eat me out first,” she said, all in one breath like she would have struggled to get it out otherwise. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m mildly shocked you were capable of saying those words,” he responded, slipping his pointer finger inside of her to the knuckle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not my first either,” she told him, gasping as he curled the finger. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I absolutely do not need any of those details, ever.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not even if some of them were women?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You honestly think I’m not possessive enough to be jealous of women too? Given everything you know about me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She giggled, and he smiled at her before moving his mouth back to in between her legs. Before anything else, he tasted her again, tonguing against her and gripping her thighs so she could rest them comfortably against his shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wanted to wait for you,” Vanya admitted when he was safely fastened between her thighs. He imagined it was probably easier for her to say this than to his face, so he didn’t move away or stop licking inside of her but he did offer up one of his hands so that she could hold it. It was something they had done since children, a force of habit really, lending physical touch when they were sharing secrets because they were so often starved of it that it made telling the secret easier. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Vanya laced her fingers through his, he knew she understood the action. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t know if you’d ever be home,” she continued, voice hitching as his tongue lightly traced the hood of her clit before moving back again. Hearing her be affected by his tongue moving against her made it easier for him to hear what she was talking about. It was a decidedly less innocent comfort, but he relished in it nonetheless. He moved away just to kiss the inside of her thigh, sparing a quick glance up to her as he did. “You know that if I had known you were even </span>
  <em>
    <span>alive</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I would have waited as long I could have.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” he reassured. “You don’t have to explain, sweetheart.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know I love you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, and I love you too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She opened her mouth to speak, and he awaited her instruction on whether or not to resume his movements from before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you have killed me?” Vanya mumbled. “If you had seen no other possibility? Would you have killed me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would have if there had been absolutely no other way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words hung in the air between them, making the tension of their silence feel like a tangible thing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you have made me suffer?” Her voice was so small. If his hearing hadn’t been trained to pick up on something like that, he wouldn’t have. As it was, he almost recoiled in horror and even with forcing the recoil away, his hand that was clasped in hers trembled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you wouldn’t have enjoyed it,” she breathed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Vanya,” his voice sounded hollow to his ears. “No, no, I wouldn’t have enjoyed it. If I had even seen a sliver of hope at all, I would have always saved you, would have found a way. It would only be if I was certain you would have died anyway… and I would have made it to where you didn’t feel pain at all. Do you… do you believe me on that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t know if he wanted to know the answer. The thought that Vanya could think him capable of that made his heart clench. Most of the time, during his kills, he made it as painless a process as possible anyways, and those were people he </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>care anything about. If Vanya truly thought he was capable of hurting her, he didn’t know what he would do. She was his best friend (even more than that, really, though he did not know exactly what they were to each other- no words to describe them ever felt enough.) If Vanya did not trust him, he simply could not fathom it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just worry that you blame me for what you went through.” She looked like she might cry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had to be completely honest, owed it to her to be completely truthful, even if he hated saying it. “I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>blame</span>
  </em>
  <span> you, but the apocalypse was partially your fault.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her face fell, flinching away like he may hit her. He rushed to continue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But, Vanya, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault for leaving either. Or the others for never caring about what happened to you. Or,” his jaw clenched as he spit the next words out. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Leonard’s</span>
  </em>
  <span>, who I actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> have enjoyed torturing for weeks until he died. Or Reginald. You never would have caused it if it weren’t for him suppressing your powers instead of training you. Vanya, I wouldn’t blame you even if it had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>entirely </span>
  </em>
  <span>your fault. If it had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> else, I wouldn’t have hesitated at all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya still looked upset, and he didn’t know what he could say to make that upset go away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How can you love me when I ruined your life?” Vanya whispered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t, V. You made my life so much better. You know that your book kept me stable? All of my life, you’ve always been what I think of to keep myself going. I don’t think it’s hard to love you at all. In fact, loving you is the greatest thing that I’ve ever gotten to do in my life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing that she believed him and asking quickly to make sure she was okay with it, he went back between her thighs, taking care to scrape the stubble of his facial hair against them when he heard her whimper at the sensation. Lapping up what she had to offer, he squeezed her hand. She kept moaning that she loved him, encouraging him to keep going. On an impulse, he bit very lightly against her clit, and she yelped and started hissing out curses in a variety of languages and whimpered nonsense that was entirely a language only he could decipher.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t take much after that point. When he saw that she was starting to become even more frustrated, thrusting against his face and begging him to keep going, he plunged two fingers from his free hand inside of her, sucking against her clit as he curled them. Vanya went almost entirely still as he felt her clench around his fingers, save for the way her thighs twitched weakly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tugged his hair, silently asking him to move his mouth away. He disentangled her thighs from his shoulders gently after unclasping their hands, crawling on top of her and kissing her. She made a small noise at the taste of herself, and he grinned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You good?” He breathed. She was trembling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded. “Can you…?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He followed her gesturing, seeing the blush form across her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smirked. “I will, but in the future, I deeply want to hear you say the actual words. Hearing you ask to be filled with my cum was too good to not ever hear again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gripped him, guiding him to her entrance and humbling him instantaneously. “I didn’t say it exactly like that, and you know it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do I have to do to get you to say it like that?” He gasped out. She was still gripping him, running her thumb over the pre-cum forming. He wanted so badly to be inside of her, but he had already decided that this was entirely up to her. Still, he thrust against her hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya rolled him over so that she was on top, which he wondered if he should praise her for her ability to do because clearly her training was doing her favors if she could do that without him even noticing until his back hit the mattress. To be fair, all of his training had never involved Vanya’s hand jerking him off, so she probably could have bested him at anything at this moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could always ask me politely,” Vanya commented, and he remembered what he had said a few seconds ago. “But I don’t see you being polite very easily.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five grunted, “I can be polite.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya’s knees were on either side of his waist, hovering her just above him. She stopped touching him, moving her hands to his chest to keep her steady. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you be polite enough to ask me to fuck you?” Her voice was sweet, making the words much more effective. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck me,” Five groaned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You want to fill me with your cum?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya giggled, and Five would have probably appreciated it much more if he weren’t painfully hard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve wanted this so long,” Vanya said. “I missed you so much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you trying to get me to beg? I’m not above begging.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya beamed at him, not even bothering to respond as she sank down against him. He hissed her name, moving his hands to her waist to guide her. Vanya lost the nonchalant facade she had been carefully formulating across her features, and she ground her hips. “You feel so good,” she whined. “You’re so-“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He would have likely murdered a few people to hear the rest of that train of thought, but she cut it off to moan. Her being incapable of speaking actual words was actually so much better, and he jerked his hips up, muttering praise to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She settled her hands on top of his own, encouraging him to keep guiding her movements. He moved her up and down, crooning out praise that ranged from sweet thoughts he had gradually started saying over the months since he had come back that he’d kept inside for decades to filthy comments about the feeling of her cunt against his cock. She was still unable to form much coherence to her words, likely a little overstimulated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five growled out something about the effect he had on her, flipping them over so that he was rutting into her. Her legs wrapped around him, and he kept shouting out praise that he was almost absolutely certain her neighbor who never shut up about her cat could hear. He figured fair was fair to the neighbor, reaching down to circle a finger against Vanya’s clit so that she would be even louder too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he ground out, pushing into her desperately. “So good, my perfect, sweet Vanya.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya started struggling to gasp out something, and he figured out what she was saying. “It’s okay, Vanya, come for me. Let me feel you clench against my cock, sweetheart.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya cried out his name, finally able to say something somewhat coherent when she clenched against him. At the sound of his name on her mouth, his own release followed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He moved to pull out of her, so that he could clean her up, but she clung to him, asking him to stay there for a second. He would have stayed there as long as she asked. He set his elbows down to hold himself up, though, not wanting to crush her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pressed his forehead to hers, mumbling out much softer praise as she trailed her fingers along his spine. He also commented that he was very proud that she had only managed to break a single window, flicking his gaze to the one in her room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya made a startled noise. “Did I break anything else?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll replace it,” he laughed. “I, for one, love the thought of adding this to training your control.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You think I could cause an apocalypse with an orgasm?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t try to stop it if you could.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hit his back, making him shake with laughter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should have told me earlier,” Vanya said, abruptly changing the conversation to a much more serious one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t want you to hurt yourself. I didn’t know what would have happened, and I just… worried.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Worried I’d blow shit up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He winced. “I’m sorry, Vanya, I could have been more delicate about that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Getting pissed off worked out well for us, I’d say.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, by the way, while we’re on </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>topic, why did you have to make our first time be when I was acting like an ass?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re always acting like an ass.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In my defense, I’m much kinder to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiled, “I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five carried her to the shower soon after, washing her body clean. When she told him that she loved him, the ash was forgotten, at least while he was safe with her and her with him, and they were able to be there to hold one another when they’d inevitably wake from the nightmares that still happened every night.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Can you whisper?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the months that followed their first time, Vanya and Five grew more comfortable around one another. He was taking a ridiculous amount of college courses, complaining about how idiotic it was that he had to have a degree to get any of the jobs that he would actually enjoy. His reasoning for taking so many was that he could get a doctorate in half the time, and any time she tried to point out that that was a bad idea, he glared at her. When she realized he somehow had a perfect GPA, she asked him if he was manipulating time to his advantage, which made him laugh but he didn’t answer, making her wonder if that’s exactly what he was doing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was scribbling out equations for his homework now, and she crawled onto his lap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Begone, temptress, I’m working on DiffEq,” he commented wryly, not pulling her off but shifting her to where he could easily see what he was working on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That looks </span>
  <em>
    <span>unnecessarily hard.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you trying to subliminally message me? Because it’s not subtle.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nipped at his neck, noticing he was indeed reacting and grinding against him for more encouragement. “You should take a break.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve gotta finish this,” he told her, kissing the top of her head. “It’ll only be a little longer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She could feel his frown, patience already dwindling. He kept scribbling his equation, but he was hard against her. She tested something she had wanted to try for a while now, seeing if it would get him to stop working for a bit. Moving her mouth over his ear, slipping her hand into his pants to palm at him, she whispered, “Please, Daddy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She heard his pencil break in his hand as his cock twitched against her grip, and she realized she could have said that much earlier in their relationship. She hadn’t tried it yet, even though she desperately had wanted to, mainly because she had had no idea how he would react. They had gotten a little kinkier, but she didn’t know what was crossing a line for him. Apparently, this did not. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Say that again,” he commanded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, Daddy,” she groaned, grinding against his thigh and continuing to stroke him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re being a naughty girl,” he purred, sliding a hand to cup her ass. “Distracting Daddy when he’s working like this. Do you know what bad girls get, Vanya?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She moved her ass back, trying to encourage him to spank her like he was angling towards. She was only wearing one of his button downs and a pair of panties, and she knew they were already a little wet as he very lightly brushed his fingers against her skin. “What do bad girls get, Daddy?” she asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tipped her chin back, so that she was looking into his eyes. His other hand continued stroking her bottom like he was already trying to soothe the pain before he smacked her ass. Vanya squirmed against his hand, and he offered her a smile. As his breath fanned her face, hand drawing back just a little, she readied herself for the pain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Until he told her, curtly, “To wait for Daddy to finish his work.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya whimpered, and he kissed her head again. “Just a few minutes, angel. Just give me a little time, and I’ll be ready to take care of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She pouted. “What is the purpose of time travel if you don’t use it to your advantage?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll make it worth your while,” he promised, resting his chin against the top of her head and shifting his hands back to the desk. “I just want to get this over with, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded, and he set to work again, grabbing another pencil and working at an impossibly fast rate, clearly motivated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He kissed her cheek again after a few moments of silence, moving a hand to drag a finger along her bare thigh. When he reached the tip of his own shirt, he told her, “I love it when you wear my clothes, you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nuzzled his chest, “I’m well aware.” Vanya could sense his smile even though she couldn’t see it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve been so patient,” he encouraged. “Just a few more minutes, sweetheart.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed, turning her head to watch his work for a second before glancing up at him. “I’m surprised you haven’t just gotten Allison to rumor some university to say you have a doctorate at this point honestly.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugged, “Going through years of scraping by on cockroaches and then years of killing for a living has made me crave some sort of normalcy. Going home to you after doing something as ordinary as pissing off my classmates for not giving them a chance at a curve is a pleasant and welcome reprieve.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You just like feeling superior to people,” Vanya accused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He snorted. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> superior to all of the people in my class, at the very least.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Modest too!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He set his pencil down, and she realized that he had been working the entire time they were talking. “Are you meaning to tell me that all of the times you yelled at the others for not being silent while you worked on equations was unnecessary?” She said, frowning down at his now complete work. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was necessary when I asked </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be silent. You speaking doesn’t bother me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya rolled her eyes, about to reply when his hand brushed against her chest to unbutton his shirt off of her. “You’ve been so patient for me, Vanya. Such a good girl.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya tipped her chin, encouraging him to kiss her neck, and he did, cooing, “My sweet, little Vanya.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He finished unbuttoning the top, brushing it off her shoulders. He kissed the bare skin of her shoulder, saying, “You waited exactly six minutes, you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a dick,” Vanya said, voice hitching as his teeth scraped against her collarbone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And here I thought you were going to be my good girl.” He mouthed at a nipple, tweaking the other. She ground against the bulge of his pants, seeking friction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be your good girl,” she promised. He glanced up from her chest, flicking up a brow to encourage her to continue. She realized what he wanted to hear, breathing out, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Daddy.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gripped her waist, holding her steady, asking her permission before teleporting to where she was pressed against the wall, legs wrapped around him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel like if you were trying to go somewhere more comfortable, this wouldn’t be the place to go,” Vanya commented, grateful for him thinking to cushion her head before he slammed her against the wall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you prefer our bed?” he asked, moving his hands to settle against her shoulders. She liked that he called it </span>
  <em>
    <span>“our bed.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Honestly, she was surprised that he hadn't proposed to her immediately after the apocalypse didn’t happen, and she wondered how much of it was that Five considered them to be basically married anyways. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The wall is fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“The wall is fine…?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>His voice hitched up, just a little mocking about it, trying to coax one particular word from her lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You really get off on me calling you ‘Daddy’, huh?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I get off on you saying anything, but, yes, I enjoy it when you call me ‘Daddy’, </span>
  <em>
    <span>especially </span>
  </em>
  <span>with that little whine in your voice,” he shifted his weight, running a finger to the seam of her underwear. “I want to hear you say it when you come for me, Vanya, will you do that for your Daddy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her legs shook as his finger trailed over the damp patch. “Y-yes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Vanya?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Daddy,” she gasped, and he looped his fingers through her panties, pulling them off of her body. She was now completely naked in his arms, and she realized he had not taken off any of his own clothes. She pulled at his tie until she realized he stopped touching her again, and she glanced down at him. “Five?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulled his hands back under her thighs, walking her over to the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Realized that the bed makes more sense?” Vanya questioned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I realized that eating you out would be inconvenient against a wall, actually.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… the bed makes more sense?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He frowned, but he acquiesced with a roll of his eyes. She expected him to lay her on the bed, but he actually sat down. “You trust me with something?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded immediately, asking what he was thinking. When he explained what he wanted her to do, she widened her eyes. “What if I crush you somehow?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He raised his eyebrows. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>One</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I am mildly insulted that you think I’m incapable of holding you up. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Two</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I technically have the power to teleport away if it becomes a problem, which it won’t because, </span>
  <em>
    <span>three</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you weigh practically nothing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will you have some sort of signal if I need to get off of you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laughed. “If I tap your knee three times, get off of my face.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you’re cert-“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” he interrupted her before she could continue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded her consent, and he moved back to where he was laying down, staring up at her. She crawled over to him, putting a leg to one side of him and then settling against her knees so she was hovering just above his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re sure?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Vanya, unless you have some sort of objection to it, please sit on my face,” Five told her, running his hands up her thighs soothingly. She almost asked again, but she caught one look at the complete earnestness in gaze, really wanting this, and she settled against him, hissing at the sensation of his five o’clock shadow on her inner thigh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, god, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Daddy,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” she gasped, not used to this after never having tried this with him before. He had barely even touched her, but just the excitement alone of having never tried this exactly was doing a lot for her. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Five.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He licked against her entrance, and she yelped. Both of his hands were curled around her legs, and she clasped one, lacing their fingers together. He squeezed her palm, mouthing against her clit then. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t know if it would make him struggle to breathe, but once his tongue ran against the bundle of nerves again, she thrust into his face. Five hummed encouragingly, not moving either of his hands at all, so she knew that he was not struggling. He alternated between tonguing inside of her, gathering up the cum to his mouth, and nipping and kissing against her clit. Vanya alternated between calling him “Five” and “Daddy,” but she remembered what he had said about what he wanted to hear when she came and switched to only saying the latter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, God, Daddy, I love you,” she gasped out, squirming against his face, feeling the stubble again and whimpering. “I’m so close, fuck. So cl-</span>
  <em>
    <span>oh! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yes, Daddy-“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She couldn’t do anything but whine out nonsense then, but he didn’t seem to mind that at all, finally tapping his finger three times to her knee. She rolled off of him instantly, though her legs felt like they had become gelatinous. Five was panting, and she tried asking him if he was okay but he leaned in to kiss her before she could. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did so well,” he told her, kissing her cheek. She smiled at him, laying against the pillows on the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Her voice was soft, face heating up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” he assured her, thumb brushing her cheek. “Was that good for you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded fervently, and he smiled. As his hand traced over her thigh, she jumped, and he pulled away, raising a brow. “Too sensitive?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded, but she moved to rest against his chest, cuddling into his side. He kissed the top of her head, and they waited a few moments in comfortable silence before she plucked open the button on his tented pants and fiddled with the zipper. Five made a soft, contented noise, already petting her hair while she tugged at the trousers and dropped them onto the carpet beside their bed. She unbuttoned his shirt next, reaching down to touch him through his boxers as she did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she pushed down his boxers for better access, he groaned, “Such a good girl.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She glanced up at him before quipping, “Do you have other kinks I don’t know about that I can spring on you for distraction in the future?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where would be the fun in telling you that?” He tugged a strand of her hair playfully. “And… I like that you’re my </span>
  <em>
    <span>girl</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I like that you have enough trust in me to take care of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a dirty old man,” Vanya commented, leaning down to lick a dribble of pre-cum before staring up at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you’re an angel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vanya closed her mouth around him, letting him push her head down to take him in deeper. “Sweet, little Vanya, taking my cock in her mouth so well.” He brushed his fingers against the back of her neck, and she whimpered, sensitive at the feeling. He thrust against her mouth at the noise. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My good girl,” his voice was hitched, and she felt bad for how long he had been hard before she took care of it. He had not complained at all, but she imagined it must have been painful by that point. When he hit the back of her throat as she tried to take him even further, she gagged, and he quickly pulled her head back so she didn’t choke. “You good?” He panted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded, but she moved up to nuzzle against his neck, working him with her hands instead as she crawled onto his lap as she had been before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look at me, baby,” he pleaded. She obeyed, staring into his eyes as she jerked him off. He leaned in to kiss her, and the taste of her cum still lingered in his mouth. She shoved her tongue inside of his mouth, working him harder with her hand as she did. From the grunts escaping his mouth that she readily swallowed up, she could tell he was close. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pulling her lips from his, she whispered, “Am I your good girl, Daddy?” His eyes rolled back in his head, and she felt his cum partially fill her hand and the excess slip between her fingers. She very suddenly had a disgusting urge, but based on the way his eyes bulged as she shoved the cum gathered in her hand inside of herself, she didn’t think he minded seeing her follow through with it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You like my cum inside of you, huh?” He goaded. “Do you want me to fill you up nice and good, princess? You want to feel nice and full?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded weakly, and he kissed her before lifting her up and sliding her onto his cock. She hissed, still oversensitive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Too much?” He asked again, but she shook her head this time, so he just let her get adjusted to the feeling a moment, waiting for her consent before he moved at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, she nodded, and he gripped her waist, guiding her up and down on him, watching her tits as they bounced in a fascination she had become well used to at this point. One of the first times he had examined her body fully, touching and licking and kissing her everywhere, roaming his gaze over her body as it reacted to his teasing, she had embarrassedly commented something about knowing she was almost entirely ordinary and he didn’t have to pretend differently for her. His face had grown incredulous as he demanded, “How could you </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever </span>
  </em>
  <span>be anything less than extraordinary to me?” He had touched her, telling </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> to tell </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> how perfect she was. He wouldn’t let her cum until she was singing out praise for herself, which had been embarrassing once she had cooled down, but he had pulled her to his chest to smugly her, “You can’t take any of it back, or I’ll make you tell me you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>extraordinary</span>
  </em>
  <span> next time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Vanya,” he groaned now, shallowly and unevenly thrusting inside of her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She rolled her hips, helping his movements. He buried his face into her chest, kissing it when she ran her hand through his hair and scratched his scalp the way he liked. “Vanya, I waited so…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He jerked his hips up again. “Waited so long for you. Thought of you all the… all the time, baby.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She moaned, and he slammed into her as he shoved her down on him. “Did you think of me, Vanya? Did you think of your Daddy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was weird hearing the sentimentality he always got right before he came inside her spilling from his lips in such a profane way, but she assured him, “Yes, I thought of you, Five. I thought of you everyday for 17 years. I’m your girl, I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He whimpered brokenly, and she was reminded of the Five she witnessed only rarely- him vomiting after a nightmare when he thought she couldn’t hear, him stocking up piles of food they wouldn’t ever need in random places throughout the apartment, him scribbling out equations for an apocalypse that might not ever happen in their timeline. It was a feral side of him, the side that he didn’t like showing to anybody. As he started crying against his chest, she ground against his cock. She tried out the filthy, near corrupted way he had been praising her just then cooing, “Such a good Daddy to me. Just want to be filled up with your cum. Can I be filled with your cum? Please?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shouted out her name as he came inside of her, and she remembered with a wince Mrs. Kowalski’s coalition of noise complaints amongst the neighbors in her apartment complex. Five didn’t seem to be thinking anything of it, profane praise spilling from his lips in a decidedly </span>
  <em>
    <span>loud </span>
  </em>
  <span>manner. Of course, once his fingers started furiously stroking her clit, coaxing the orgasm quickly out of her while he was still inside of her and he could feel her clench against him, she figured she was pretty loud herself. He kept her suspended in that euphoria until she whimpered that she was too sensitive and he lay her on the mattress after he had disentangled from her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to go grab a washcloth and a glass of water and then I’ll be back,” he told her quickly, kissing the crown of her head before teleporting to go grab what he needed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he came back, tipping the water to her mouth in one hand so she could drink it, always parched after sex, he wiped her clean. She whimpered as he ran the cloth over where she was much too sensitive, and he kissed her forehead when he pulled his hand away, saying she was so strong and patient and good. When she was cleaned up to his satisfaction, he tossed the cloth into the laundry hamper by the door to their bedroom and settled the glass on the nightstand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the moon that had never fallen spilled light against their naked bodies, curled up to one another after being lost from each other for years, whispering excitedly like the best friends they had always been and always would be, they kept the promise they had once made long ago to heal one another, even if it took years to have it finally fulfilled.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading!! If you can think of anything else for me to add in the tags too, please tell me!!! I will probably make it to where I have actual warnings at some point instead of “creator chose not to add warnings” and additional tags, but I wasn’t sure what all I should add.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>